Chump of the Week

The tabloids have seemingly joined together in their attack of Rio Ferdinand over the last few days after his less than effective performance at the back during England’s defeat in Ukraine on Saturday.

After having one of his occasional off days and doing so on the international stage, criticism was always going to fall his way, but thankfully his escapade in Dnipropetrovsk pales when compared to the actions of Stephen ‘I’m A Chump’ Ireland.

We already know that the $$$$$ City midfielder is not the sharpest tool in the shed thanks to his fumbled attempt to avoid playing for his country against Czech Republic in 2007.

In an effort to get out of class, he told then manager Steve Staunton that his maternal grandmother had died. When Staunton arrived home and found this to be a porky, Ireland claimed it was actually his paternal grandmother who had died. This was proved to also be bull poo, but Ireland still had more in him and then decided that one of his grandfathers had divorced and it was his second wife who had died. Again utter nonsense.

In the end he came clean and admitted he wanted to see his girlfriend in Cork who had a miscarriage. Why he needed to spout these lies is beyond me as I’m sure he’d have been allowed leave for the visit.

Thankfully the son of Dr Evil has been letting his football do the talking for him recently and has kept him busy and away from the temptation of stupidity.

Unfortunately not for long enough though, as once again he boldly steps into stupidity.

Above is the result of his latest shenanigans and it’s his to keep.

Actually, it’s for his girlfriend. It may lack in taste but it makes up for it in extravagance, as this was once a £260k Bentley, before it was pimped into a poorly executed parody of the pink Thunderbirds car.

In fact, even for those hardened to the nauseous effects of a pink velour track suit, a box of Lambrini and all that comes with the lifestyle of a chavvy tart, this is one step too far.

So much so that the ECT (Essex Coalition of Tarts) have branded the car ‘tacky’ and ‘vulgar.’

Despite displaying a negative amount of taste, Ireland did at least show a sweet side by replacing Bentley’s ‘B’ insignia with his girlfriend’s initial ‘JL’ and by embroidering ‘To Jess Love From Stephen’ in the drivers seat. What a soppy sausage.

Why though did he have to butcher a beautiful Bentley? Why not pimp a Mondeo like every other wannabe flash Harry cruising up and down Kilburn high street? The result looks just as shit.

Posted By Dan Mobbs - Monday October 12, 2009.
Tags: Stephen Ireland, Chump of the Week