Ray Rant-Some Lets Loose On The Manchester Derby

There’s only one thing I hate worse than a moaning good-for-nothing. It’s a moaning good-for-nothing Mark Hughes and for me he really took the shine off a fantastic Manchester derby.

Sure there was a lot of time added on at the end of the game, four minutes to be precise, plus an additional minute and a half for Craig Bellamy’s celebration for the equaliser and a United substitution, but let’s try and keep some toys inside the pram and maintain some dignity here.

Obviously anxious for the whistle to blow so that he can revel in an impressive draw at Old Trafford, Sparkey’s temper seemed to ignite like that of a spoilt angry kid who wasn’t getting his way and wanted everything now now now and to his immediate satisfaction. Perhaps the temperament of the oil sheikh upstairs is rubbing off on him.

This aside, his team were only let back into it thanks to the fabulously foolish attempt at skill from Rio Ferdinand as he tried to lift the ball elegantly over Carlos Tevez in the last minute of the game, but instead only managed to scoop it into his chest before he released Bellamy to take his goal in style.

Usually a confused decision maker (buying curtains instead of taking a random drugs test) Rio could have been left to rue that mistake had it not been for Michael Owen’s late winner.

Scored in the 95th minute, Owen was practically gifted the goal by a City defence that seemed intent on playing hot potato with the ball and reverted back to school yard tactics of everyone following the ball in a vain attempt to smother it.

This allowed Ryan Giggs to thread a ball through to an unmarked Owen on the edge of the box who dutifully slid it in the corner, despite winger Shaun Wright-Phillips and his little legs frantically trying to make a last ditch tackle.

Let’s though forget that the time added on was allowed. I don’t even care if the ref had added on an extra ten minutes, I was unusually and desperately cheering on United to squash City’s newly assembled fantasy team.

Bought by a cheque book with no sense of a players value and a penchant for offering hideous wage packages that have made even some former Roman emperors turn in the grave with envy, City for me have no soul.

Sold to the devil as part of their contract for flat-pack, do-it-yourself, quick and easy success, I would hate to think that in the supposed greatest league in the world, famed for it’s energy and passionate matches, a team of such average stock could waltz to the Premier League title backed by the power of oil and the almighty $.

Despite this though I am keen to leap to the defence of City’s Craig Bellamy who clearly plays with his heart on his sleeve and leaves his brain in the dressing room.

Filled with more fire in his belly than 50 Cent after he’d been shot nine times, Bellamy was clearly revelling in the tense atmosphere of the derby and when a fan managed to get past the pie-chomping, Bovril-guzzling, lard-arsed stewards he was greeted by Bellamy, who promptly told him to return to his seat, with his palm.

Because of this those clever chaps at the Greater Manchester Cop Shop have decided that this matter is worth investigating. This is despite no-one making a formal complaint and many tedious hours on my part spent trawling through law books, from which I discovered that it is’nt illegal to aggressively caress an idiots face.

If however they do decide to press charges against Bellamy, my head will combust with confusion.

Where does this leave Emmanuel Adebayor after he kicked Robin van Persie in the head? Is he going to receive a custodial sentence for his actions? Or is causing blood to erupt from someone’s face after putting you boot in it only worth a three match ban compared to slapping someone and being investigated by Frank Drebbon and the boys from CID?

If that is now true in the eyes of the law Mark Hughes better watch out for my left boot coming his way.

Posted By Dan Mobbs - Monday September 21, 2009.
Tags: Ray Rant-Some, Manchester derby