World’s Worst Side Appoint World’s Youngest Management Team

I’d never even heard of the tiny of island of Pohnpei before today, but I now know that they have been dubbed the worst national team in the world and have this week appointed the youngest management team in the history of international football.

Paul Watson, of Hammersmith, and Matthew Conrad, of Kensington, who are both 25 applied for the job on the tiny Micronesian island, north of Papua New Guinea after seeing it advertised online and will undoubtedly face many of the same hurdles and obstacles as other national managers do, but without the wealth of experience behind them.

The enormity of the task they are undertaking is understood knowing that the team has never won a competitive game in their history, coming closest to a win in a 5-4 penalty shoot-out defeat and the hands of local rivals Yap and the nation hasn’t seen an international game since 2003.

With no professional experience in management, Watson and Conrad have taken the job on a voluntary basis.

“By chance we heard the country didn’t have a coach at the moment and were looking for someone to take over. Like idiots we said we would consider it” said Watson.

Currently not a member of FIFA or the OFC (Oceania Football Confederation) the tiny islands terrible history of results is thanks to defeat at the hands of its mighty Micronesian neighbours, so they are likely to struggle against teams with a greater international reputation, but former freelance sports journalist Watson remains optimistic.

“Their players have a lot of raw talent but they have never won a game, they lost on penalties once so I guess that almost counts as a win.

“Unfortunately they are the worst team in the world but I don’t think they will be for much longer. With training they’ll improve dramatically.

“They are really enthusiastic and one of the players who walks one hour and a half just to get to training without wearing any shoes” according to The Telegraph.

The epitome of David, in the battles of David and Goliath, the task facing the duo is monumental, especially considering the tiny island 1,800 miles north of eastern Australia, has third wettest climate in the world and has a population of just 34,000, which is less than half the capacity of Wembley Stadium.

With baseball and basketball dominating the sporting calendar on the island and without anything resembling an infrastructure for the football, Watson recognizes the basics need to be addressed first.

“We ran training sessions and between 13 and 25 people turned up for the sessions depending on the weather. Some people walked 5km (3.1 miles) each way from their homes everyday in driving rain with no shoes.

“We took lots of boots with us but none of them wanted to wear them, as they are used to playing without.”

Despite this though, co-coach Conrad, remains optimistic for the future, perhaps in the knowledge that they might be able to arrange a friendly against Scotland.

“The highlight would be to get football infrastructure, government funding in place and win certainly one game and then establish dominance in the South Pacific and then the world” he told the BBC.

Whether or not the Scots will be willing to offer another emphatic and embarrassing defeat is unlikely, but donations of team kits from Yeovil Town, Norwich City and Tottenham Hotspur will at least have them kitted out in team colours that can on paper comfortably beat George Burley’s men.

Posted By Dan Mobbs - Monday August 17, 2009.
Tags: Pohnpei