This world has been blessed with many great artists. Whether your favourite is Van Gogh, Mondrian, Monet, Manet or Quentin Blake, there are a plethora of wonders for the eyes and the merits of all of these wizards and more could be debated amongst enthusiasts for a lifetime. The Sun though has revealed that there is an artist hiding in the most unlikely of places, who has skills comparable to one of the world’s most renowned impressionist painters. The article reveals though that he didn’t colour it in, as this particular painter struggles to stay inside the lines.

Away from the pitch footballers don’t tend to be looked upon with great admiration by the general public thanks largely to incidents of infidelity, vain and vacuous parties and purchases and the launching of self important and hideous clothing ranges (I’m not thinking of anyone in particular). However there are players who don’t fit this mould, although a recent revelation in The Sun will do nothing to enhance the reputation of United winger Nani, as it has been alleged that he has a life-size marble statue of himself in his lounge, just in case he can’t find a mirror quickly enough to pleasure himself with his own reflection.

For three months of the season Chelsea were talked of as champions in waiting, as they confidently cast aside all before them as they marched to the top of the league. Their rivals were struggling and carelessly dropping points, but goals were flowing at the Bridge and Alan Hansen needed his little book of adjectives to help him in his praise of Carlo Ancelotti’s team, although all he could manage was “pace, power, technique.” As the cold of November has whisked in though, Chelsea have frozen and suffered uncharacteristic back to back to defeats against Sunderland and Birmingham. A draw against Newcastle led The Sun to make a darkly numerous proclamation.

Confidence is high at Tottenham at the moment. Currently sitting fifth place in the league and through to the next round of the Big Cup thanks largely to a home win against the holders, Spurs have so far defied the odds by battling successfully on both fronts. Confidence is so high that their midfield magician Luka Modric believes that the Lane has now become an intimidating place for clubs to go to. The Daily Star applied the Vincent Price-esque finishing flourish.

The names of some players are a gift to headline writers, but unfortunately thanks to their quiet nature on the pitch their name rarely adorns the back pages. Thankfully though West Ham’s former Manchester United defender was able to delight his home fans with two first-half strikes to help propel his side into the semi-finals of the other domestic cup and setup a delightfully ghoulish headline for The Sun.

Tales of footballers stumbling out of clubs are well documented in the press. Whole pages are devoted to pictures of them staggering out of trendy clubs and wine bars and stumbling into taxis, so the coverage of Gary Lineker’s 50th birthday at Mayfair’s Funky Buddha is no surprise. Thankfully though the joy of the evening wasn’t confined to the club, as the Evening Standard offered the public a pun and Danielle Lineker made all our eyes bulge.

Whilst all around were scrambling down FIFA’s gold plated Louis XIV dining table to sit obediently at the feet of Sepp Blatter in the vain hope that they’ll be afforded the opportunity to nuzzle his crotch in return for hosting the World Cup, the Guardian’s Fiver tea-time newsletter abstained. Instead they chose to pause and reflect on the actions of the nation’s media, PM, heir to the throne and the nicest man in the country and decided that getting down and dirty with the corruption of the sport’s governing body was already a pointless activity that would never bear fruit.

Posted By Dan Mobbs - Friday December 3, 2010.
Tags: Chelsea, Manchester United