Week in headlines: Liverpool want KFC and for owners to pack up and Kop off and Manchester City’s Beastlands star rapped

Misery loves company and at the moment fans of Liverpool are discovering this.

They’re owned by a miserly American duo who are refusing to allow the sale of the club, their star striker looks like a shadow of his former self, they’ve been dumped out of the League Cup by Northampton Town and ahead of this weekend’s fixtures they find themselves in the relegation zone.

Thankfully for fans, the tabloids have revelled in the situation and have delivered their own brand of dark humour to lighten the dour mood around Anfield, in a week that also saw the tabloids tackle international politics in football, but with the aid of a pair of testicles and a pun of course.

This is the week that was in headlines.

Sunday’s home fixture against newly promoted Blackpool was meant to be the beginning of the road to recovery for Liverpool, after a wobbly first few games under the stewardship of the similarly wobbly jowled Roy Hodgson. Instead it was an embarrassment for a club with such expectations and history, who were comfortably beaten by their visitors and The Sun’s description of the host as lemons could well have been kind.

Under two months into the season, the position of Roy Hodgson has already been called into question after the clubs worst start to a season since black and white days, which probably isn’t helped by the bureaucratic wrangling that looms over the club daily. Liverpool have found themselves in a complicated mess that is often far beyond the reach of many pundits, so The Sun decided to condense all of the issues and found one solution that every man on the street would be able to understand, KFC. Not reconstituted chicken, but in this case Kenny Dalglish, but his appointment might only happen if the club is sold for the price of a bargain bucket.

With the sale of the club seemingly no closer than it was at the start of the week thanks to continual boardroom tittle-tattle, patience at Anfield is understandably wearing thin and none more so than with Mr Liverpool, Jamie Carragher, who with the aid of The Daily Star has made his feelings towards current owners Tom Hicks and George Gillette very clear.

Rafael Van der Vaart has made an instant impact at Tottenham and is already a firm fans favourite and with reason, as his energy and guile helped him almost single handedly overcome a one goal deficit against Villa at the weekend. His arrival at the Lane has been enthusiastically welcomed by Spurs fans, as they look to elevate themselves from Europa League perennials into Champions League big boys. Van der Vaart’s arrival in England does have its down side though, as the tabloids have collectively broken in automotive based puns that make no sense. Perhaps the biggest sinner this week was The Daily Star, which implied that either Spurs previously had a van, automotive or human and that fans have a feline quality.

If this week’s outcry in response to Nigel De Jong’s aggressive tackle on Newcastle’s Hatem Ben Arfa is to be believed football of old was a gentlemen’s game where players would politely ask for the return of the ball and would refrain from any form of physical contact at all, just ask Billy Bremner. The fact is that his challenge was perhaps overzealous, but by no means cynical as his studs weren’t high and it was just unfortunate that Ben Arfa’s leg was caught, but The Daily Mirror didn’t agree with this, who perhaps quite rightly pointed to his World Cup final kung-fu kick on Xabi Alonso for clarification of their point.

The only surprise about this is that he’s taking his Leicester City team with him. The unassuming Swede has previously proved his animalistic penchant for the fairer sex via a series of tabloid exposes, which The Sun had a hand in, so a trip to the sex capital of the world wouldn’t be beyond him if his public perception is to be believed. Instead the trip is a showpiece for the clubs owners and the former England boss is adamant that his second spell outside the English top flight won’t see him getting his fingers burnt again.

International politics rarely mixes with football, but then again Vinnie Jones’ doppelganger and Bolivian president Evo Morales rarely gets a chance to show off his ball skills. Thankfully for him he was given the opportunity by an opposing player who felt he had wronged him and he delivered democratic justice that surprisingly wasn’t challenged. Because of the intricate and complicated nature of international politics, The Daily Mirror felt it was important to clearly explain the situation and did so with stereotypical south American exclamations in speech bubbles and a pun, but the inclusion of a cartoon depicting someone being kicked in the balls, is perhaps over simplification of the matter.

Back on this windswept isle, Kevin Davies, 96, was finally rewarded for years of backing his rotund behind into the penalty box and being a general nuisance to defenders with a call up to England’s squad to face Montenegro on Tuesday. The Sun was in a concise and jovial mood as they managed to encapsulate the strikers joy in just his first name.

Apart from making empty promises and punctuating every other word with the sound ‘errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr’ it’s difficult to understand what Trevor Brooking brings to his role with the FA, although he must surely have his merits. One of his saving graces though isn’t creating optimism for the future amongst fans, as he hinted that the affectionately dubbed ‘wally-with-a-brolly’ Steve McClaren could make a return as England manager. The Daily Mirror clearly has little fondness for this idea, as with the aid of clever word play they seem to have trouble forgetting that infamous and wet night against Croatia.

Tags: Liverpool, Manchester City

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